Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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