apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
