I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
