And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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