she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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