Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
