I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How's work?
Spinning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
