and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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