i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
