we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
