Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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