singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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