saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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