My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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