im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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