My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
