That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
