When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
