Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize