I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
