if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Shame is for Republicans.
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