Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
