i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
