so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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