Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
