I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
