I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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