I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
