why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
