you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
