Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
