this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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