God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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