Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
