My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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