my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
