I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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