i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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