He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
