Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
