wakey wakey hands off snakey
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
