tell your sister to shave her snatch
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
