he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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