Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
