i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dear god my vagina.
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