if only i could text you this smell
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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