the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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