Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
