once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
