doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
