Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
