my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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