My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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