i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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