I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
