So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
