I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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