my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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