im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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