just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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