fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
