i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We need to get me chipped asap
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
