i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
