I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
