goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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