he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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