her vagina looked like bernie madoff
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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