im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
