I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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