I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
