fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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