looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
