when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
