So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
