genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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