Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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