Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
