so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm both gender and math confused
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
