Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
