i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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