Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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