Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
