I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
