dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
