I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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