when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my liver is dry heaving
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
